Laura (tavella) wrote,

return of the weeping

Once again, The Grey Havens reduces me to tears. Not nice photogenic tears trickling down the cheek, but snotty gasping full out tears. I've probably read the chapter a dozen times in my life, and I still cry. And then I try to go to sleep, having stayed up way too late finishing the book, and I keep thinking about it, and occasionally falling into tears again. So instead of sleeping I'm journalling.

It's not just the parting that pains me, and it's not just the passing of the last of the magic of Middle Earth. It's the thought that Bilbo was not long for any world, and after he died, Frodo must have been terribly lonely. No matter how blessed the land was, how fair the elves, how changed Frodo was, he was still a hobbit, and he must have longed at times to hear hobbit voices, and hobbit stories, and sit with a pipe and discuss things less high and remote. And it was a long, long time before Sam came. Because he did see Sam again, dammit, he did. I won't have it any other way. {shakes her fist at the heavens}

Prembone used to argue on usenet that going to the Grey Havens was a mistake, that real healing was to be found in friends and family, in the Shire, and that the real sin was that his friends let him withdraw almost entirely from the Shire. I'm not sure I entirely agree, there was a supernatural element to his wounding that may indeed have only found healing in Valinor, but the loneliness haunts me.

Wargh. I'm such a sop, I just burst into tears again.
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