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11 March 2002 @ 12:27 pm
never want to do this again  
I have explained to my sister that reason no. 587 that this is not allowed to happen to her is that some perfectly nice well meaning person will come up to me and say 'But she's an angel now' and I will scream at them 'no she's not she's DEAD'. I'm usually pretty good at the forms of religion, I do believe in respecting others' beliefs and rituals, so I bow my head at grace and smile politely at religious sentiments. But my smile and nod response was pretty strained this weekend, because I don't think she's in a better place now, I don't think she's an angel, and if it's part of god's plan he's a fucker.

Flying back to Cali in a few hours, assuming I don't get sicker. I seem to have either caught something at the funeral or gotten food poisoning at the wake. It matches my mood.
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on March 23rd, 2002 02:31 pm (UTC)
I don't know - have been thinking about this in great detail and at great emotional expense and I have come to some small conclusion. I think that for those of us who need comfort there must be things as 'angels' in life. I too have wanted to say to those well-meaning - yeah, so I really would just like her back, thank you - but as you put it we must be polite and understand others "thoughtful" comments. Your reflections on our childhood are exactly how I remember it - do you remember when Karen cut her hand and your father almost fainted. I still see the photos of the outdoor shower at the beach in my head. thank you - Alice
Karenkaren51 on March 24th, 2002 05:42 am (UTC)
I still have the scars on my hand. What was I doing running with a beer bottle, anyway?

Remember the houses we used to build in the sand and populate with our prizes from the arcade?

I have a theory on 'angels'. I don't believe in God or literal angels, but more times than I can count, I've been in a situation where I needed help (not life-saving help, just information or a friend or something else), the exact person I need has appeared in my life. So I call them angels, though they are flesh and blood.